Big news in the Cincinnati area.

Mattel recently announced the release of the improved limited-edition
Barbie Dolls for the Greater Cincinnati market:

"Kenwood Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at Kenwood Town Center . She comes
with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign
dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy
tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the
augmented version. Kenwood Barbie is easily exchanged, and occasionally mistaken
for West Chester Barbie.

"Hyde Park Barbie"

The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan
and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time
occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

"Norwood Barbie"

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis
knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only
available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small,
untraceable bills)..unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you
are talking about.

"West Chester Barbie"

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer
H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club
membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.
You won't be able to afford any of them.

"West Side Barbie"

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a
six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet
and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup
truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

"Northern Kentucky Barbie"

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken
out of West Side Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise
acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also
available with a mobile home.

"Northside Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks, or combat
boots with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does
not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Northside Barbies
and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for
free.

"North College Hill Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were
available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

"Vine Street Barbie/Ken"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply
adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

*Someone sent these to me in an email and there was no credit given. I wish I knew who came up with these. They are funny. And cute!