Hmm...

One of my ARMY boyz is gone for the summer, and he had 2 different guys staying in his place. That’s fine by me, as we all know, my main rules are “pay the rent, don’t tear up the place, and don’t get the cops over here”. And so far, that seems to have been fine for pretty much the entire time the ABz have been around.

 

A couple of weeks ago, one of the boyz mentioned to me that things were really “interesting” since those 2 guys moved in. I don’t know what that means, but I came away from that with the impression that they were probably a bunch of slobs, like college kids tend to be, and maybe they had filled the apartment with a bunch of crap they had drug in from all over the place, like construction cones and crappy sofas and stuff. No major worries.

 

So tonight, the kid calls me and leaves me a message saying that he wants to know if he can get out of his lease; he just doesn’t want to live there anymore. “Just go up there and take a look around and you’ll see,” he says. So what the Eff? I mean, now I have to wait and wonder until I can go up there sometime tomorrow just what the merph (to borrow an expression from J-W) is going on up there.

 

Heidi thinks it really is just because the other boyz are slobs. But I’m not so sure. I mean, this kid has a ferret, for pete’s sake. It doesn’t get much nastier than that, in my opinion. I mean, he has a WEASEL that he is voluntarily letting live in his room. How could anything those boyz have done be worse than that? Also, 2 of the boyz just had their girlfriends in from Michigan over the weekend, so how dirty could the place actually be? I know they were cleaning a LOT  before the girls were coming. They were actually cleaning so much the weekend before that I thought to myself “those boyz must be having girls over soon”. Hee!

 

So, even though I think (and hope!) Heidi is right, I am a ruminator, and so I’ve spent the past 2 hours considering what all could be going on up there that would make this kid want to move out. Feel free to add to my list.

 

1)       They have filled the apartment with limburger cheese and anchovies. (Actually, I think I would have noticed that myself by now!)

2)       They are growing some, eh, illicit substances. I don’t think this is the case, because I was looking at the electricity meters and theirs didn’t seem to be out of control…oh, and because they are in the ARMY, and also because, whenever I tease them about that kind of thing, they look shocked and horrified – but NOT guilty or scared.

3)       They have plastered the walls with obscene images of women. While I don’t think this is the case, I have heard of guys doing this and I think it’s pretty nasty. But still, they just had their girlfriends here and those girls just didn’t seem like the type to put up with that silliness.

4)       They have plastered the walls with some kind of hate messages. Again, I don’t think this is true, but maybe – something related to the war, or something like that?

5)       They have a pet of some sort (“That’s no a dog, that’s a LADY!!”). But still, the FERRET guy being mad about a pet? Oh, what if they got a really big snake, like a python or something? That would explain why he doesn’t want to stay any more. Ferret vs python. Lord, I hope that’s not it. Let’s all take a minute to pray that this isn’t it.

6)       They have done some sort of incredible damage to the place, like tearing out an entire wall or painting the whole place black. I do think I would have seen signs of this around the house, like a TON of random lathe and plaster, or empty cans of black paint, or something like that. But anything is possible, I suppose. Note that I might actually find this preferable to #5. I say might.

 

That’s really all the ideas I have for now. I do hope it’s just that they are slobs and I can tell them to clean up a little and tell him to man up a little. Anything on my list is going to obviously be more of a problem. I mean, some of those things, I can’t even do anything about. Specifically, numbers 1, 3, and 4. Thoughts? Stories? Condolences? It is starting to make me want to stay home tomorrow morning and go up there then, except it will almost certainly be stinkier in the morning than any other time of day. Boys smell really bad in the morning. And what is THAT all about, anyway?