Brr.

It just keeps getting colder, which is driving me further and further into recluse. If I haven't called you lately, or called you back, or sent a note, or wanted to go anywhere, just know that it's because I really do go into hibernation mode once it gets below about 35-40 degrees. Of course, I welcome any and all guests -- including drop-bys -- at any time. But be warned -- my place is pretty much perpetually messy and cluttered in a "what-kind-of-disaster-came-through-here" kind of way, so you should be know that. Oh, and I don't have cable TV, just a sad little antenna on top of the telly that you have to move around whenever you want to change the channel. But I do have water, in 3 different temperatures. So, please, stop by if you're in the neighborhood!

More about life with my ARMY boyz

So, in response to Heidi and Rachel's comments, and just as an update...I'm not really trying to be nice to the boyz, specifically, but I am trying to avoid being the "bitchy landlady". I mean, it is their home, too. I keep thinking I'd like to crash the party, but I actually ended up having a dream about it last night (thanks, Rachel!!) and it was bad because the whole time of the dream I was having all this social anxiety because my socks didn't match and my pants were too short (pretty much my standard wardrobe) and the kids were all ignoring me no matter how hard I tried to get their attention, like they were just hoping if they pretended not to see me, that I'd just go away. Oh, and there were a LOT more stairs in the dream house than there are in my house, and I also think there was a velvet room. Bow-chicka-bow-bow...

Thing is, whenever I've lived in first-floor apartments, I've had this problem with the sounds from above. It just happens that the boyz are also a little louder than your typical apartment dwellers. However, some good news is that the cotton really helped last night, and tonight they've been vewwy, vewwy quiet upstairs (so far). Oh, and I think they had actually tried to call me last night to let me know they were having the party, because I noticed on my phone today that one of them called me a little after 7. I was probably in the car and didn't hear the phone ring, which kind of sucks because I could have saved myself some of last night's misery by going to the bookstore, which I had originally considered doing but then had changed my mind, so I guess the real lesson of all this is: don't skip the bookstore, and you won't have to worry about the stompy boys. Who knew books could once again save the day?

So when you said "no more parties," you meant "until Friday"?

After last week's blowout, the boyz said that they weren't going to have any more parties, which, of course, I doubted to be true. And I did know that they still had a keg left. But man, they have been LOUD tonight, and it's only 11:00. I'm pretty worried about what the rest of the night will bring.

I keep meaning to get some carpet for their living room and the bedroom above mine to cut down on the footfall sounds. And I've decided that at least a part of this is my own weird sensitivity to sound (a la McDreamy's aversion to snoring sounds). So, I bit the bullet and ordered a set of noise-cancelling earmuffs. I needed them anyway, for my workshop, but the boyz have just accelerated the timeline. Now if I could just find those foam earplugs so I can make it till the muffs get here...

Big news in the Cincinnati area.

Mattel recently announced the release of the improved limited-edition
Barbie Dolls for the Greater Cincinnati market:

"Kenwood Barbie"
This princess Barbie is sold only at Kenwood Town Center . She comes
with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign
dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without tummy
tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the
augmented version. Kenwood Barbie is easily exchanged, and occasionally mistaken
for West Chester Barbie.

"Hyde Park Barbie"

The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan
and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time
occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.

"Norwood Barbie"

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis
knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only
available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small,
untraceable bills)..unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you
are talking about.

"West Chester Barbie"

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer
H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club
membership. Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.
You won't be able to afford any of them.

"West Side Barbie"

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too
small, a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a
six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over 5 feet
and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase her pickup
truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker absolutely free.

"Northern Kentucky Barbie"

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken
out of West Side Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise
acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also
available with a mobile home.

"Northside Barbie"
This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks, or combat
boots with white socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does
not want or need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Northside Barbies
and the optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for
free.

"North College Hill Barbie"
This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
accessories include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were
available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infant.

"Vine Street Barbie/Ken"
This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by simply
adding or subtracting the multiple snap-on parts.

*Someone sent these to me in an email and there was no credit given. I wish I knew who came up with these. They are funny. And cute!

I was talking to a friend today and I don't know how we got started on this, exactly, but we were talking about all the shite I've gone through in the past few years, and I said something like "well, that's life," and she said, "actually, that's not really life, you're kind of an exception". Which got us started talking about my childhood -- again, I'm not sure how the tangents were working there, but you know how it goes -- and that got me thinking that I'd like to share some of the stories of my childhood. But not today.

I was all excited to spend a whole night of television watching, but for some reason, all the channels are playing some show that looks like a ToastMasters meeting or something. This guy keeps talking, and a room full of people erupts into applause, and they're apparently CALLING this show like it's a football game, with play-by-plays, and White House correspondents, and all manner of ridiculousness. Ans all I really want is to see my House, or American Idol, or anything, really, but since I can't have that, I've spent the evening reading strangers' bloggity-blogs. It kind of made me sad that I hadn't gotten in on the blog action when I first started my Blogger account, or even before, because there are a lot of funny bloggers out there and I kind of wish I could play in their sandbox. It also made me want to write this. Blogs are stories, and I am a storyteller. I like to write, but even more so, I like to TELL my stories. I think of it as a craft, and I'm always trying to improve my storytelling skills. There's something I enjoy about the process of laying the groundwork, fleshing out the details, discussing the tangential remarks, and bringing it back around to a superb punch line or a sublime conclusion. And with that, I don't like to be rushed to the conclusion or to jump ahead of where I am. Aside is fine. Ahead is not fine. Yes, I'm persnickity, but these are my stories, and I want to tell them in my way. And I love that I have so many friends who will listen to my stories and enjoy, and even encourage me to tell more. And I want to encourage that in everyone. You have stories to tell, and to quote the wise SARK, "we NEED to hear your stories". So let's all share more stories.

If you look closely...

you can see how the ARMY boyz' friends feel about them. Alt. title: how I feel about all this snow.

It's the Same Nightmare

Heidi had posted a blog some time ago about a guy who was referring to something about a checkout lane when he said, "See, it's the same nightmare". Since then, I've been using that line whenever anyone (including myself) starts to complain about something that's really not that big of a deal. Perspective is everything. Today, at the grocery, I heard a woman telling someone about how she was having a hard time getting off of her street because of the snow, and she referred to that as "a total nightmare". I really wanted to stop and explain to her what a "total nightmare" really is, but I had a cart full of frozen foods and I was really, really hungry. A lot of the things I hear people complaining about are actually just a part of everyday life. Like getting stuck in the snow.


I started this post thinking I'd make a list of actual nightmares I've experienced, but thinking about that just got me all depressed and I didn't want to post it. So instead, I'm going to go straight-up Oprah on the bloggity and share a little bit of what's going on in my heart and in my head these days. I had breakfast with some friends yesterday and when I told them that I was "just OK," they were asking if I'm OK with being "just OK". And the reality is, I don't even know. There was a time, for a little while, where I had a lot of joy in my life. Since that time, I've experienced a lot of tragedy, and as a result, I've really lost my joy. I don't have any idea how to get that back. Heidi and I have also talked about how people reach a point in their lives where they've experienced so many losses that they are really ready to leave this world and be with their lost loved ones. I don't think I'm there yet, either, though I do feel that way from time to time. I spend a lot of time wondering if this is as good as life will be for me, and if so, is that OK? I sometimes hear about people who've experienced what seem to be even worse tragedies than I have and they go on to find joy. I wonder if it's because they have families of their own, and I wonder if that's what it would take for me to be truly joyful again. So, I guess I'm doing a lot of wondering these days with and coming up with no real answers.